Bargain Buylines

Next, if your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Denton

Dallas

There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot.  When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooo much fun with that, we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix.

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, “Oh, we’re in Fort Worth

If someone actually has his or her turn signal on, it is probably a
factory defect. Car horns are actually “Road Rage” indicators - and
remember, it’s legal to be armed in Texas.

All old ladies with blue hair in a Mercedes have the right of way.
Period.  And remember, it’s legal to be armed in Texas

Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples). The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road . On the south end, it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, Ave K, and Highway 5.  It ends 60 miles away in Sherman

The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. It also ends in Sherman

If asking directions in Irving or SE Dallas, you must have knowledge of Spanish.  If in central Richardson or on Harry Hines, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on Gaston or Live Oak, you better be armed… and remember, it’s legal to be armed in Texas

The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff and Fair  Park

It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST Highway

Interstate Loop

If it’s 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it’s 10
degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on.

If it has rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Byron Nelson Golf
Classic is in the second round (if it’s Spring) - and it is the Texas State Fair if it’s Fall.

If you go to the Fair, pay the $8.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park

Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, racetracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.

Final Warning: Don’t Mess With Texas Drivers … remember, it’s legal to be armed in Texas.